"Ye Gods! - Music forged in
gargantuan pits of fire and brimstone, deep in the belly of the earth;
it will tantalize anyone who likes to laugh until they feel sick,
provided they are not scared by loud noises."
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The YE GODS! Xmas Extravaganza at the Old Fox 2007.
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a Phantom, the stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that Colonel Egghed soon would be there...
Oh yes. An extreme night of Rock did occur. Eardrums bled, livers were punished, intestines did rupture and bowels prolapsed. The A&E department at the BRI were not too happy, but we were! Dave Against The Machine hollered, Stratt Williams twanged, Cherrance Metal strutted, Topher Icecry let lose a small trickle of piss, Egghed did yell some Halford, the Phantom was duly summoned, Joanstone bared his mammoth wobbly bits and Rock won the evening over. Enjoy these fine photos and if you weren’t there, ask yourself a very important question - Why not? Am I just not metal enough anymore? Or am I just going a bit homo in my old age?
GODS! Xmas Extravaganza at the Fleece & Firkin, 2006.
Rock carnage ensued at this spectacular
night of togas, mullets and, of course, Rooooock &
Roooooll! So heavy is the metal of the Gods, that on
occasion it can summon strange creatures from the demonic
planes that are drawn to the music over the space time
continuum, much like a fly is to shit.
On this particular night it attracted a beast known
as THE PHANTOM. He came, he took Cherrance Metals bass,
and performed with the Gods. So shocked was young Chev,
that he felt compelled to don Icecry’s sweaty
lycras (was this an act of bravery? or just very stupid?)
and wail his lungs out like a small baby on amphetamines.
Splendid. Anyone who wasn’t there should have
been. Big thanks to Zed,
Buffalo Kings and Comascale for making the night
ROCK. All pics by Beelzebezzy - www.myspace.com/marcbessant
The mighty Black Widows (played by
Quargo & The Scrumpies) won a carnival cup for being
Ye Gods! aboard an 18 tonner, preparing
to upset the Welsh from Portishead sea front. From there,
going on to upset the population of Portishead and the
rest of the West Country by bringing rock to the unprepared
masses. As we were mobile the police had trouble stopping
She Gods! Yes, it's been done, Ye
Gods! have a tribute band. Fwoar. The second greatest
rock band ever. Who's the greatest? Those who need to
ask will be punished!
4 frightening men, banging to the sweet
sounds of Ye Gods! metal.
The Legendary Joan Stone. Need we say more?
Ye Gods! at the Old Fox in Bristol, April
T-shirt wearing travellers! - Get a very ROCK photo
of yourself somewhere foreign wearing a Ye
Gods! t-shirt and we'll stick it here!
The mighty Hannah Isobar, pictured
in California, fearlessly taking on hefty herd animals
at her own peril. Our fine T-Shirts give the wearer balls
the size of genetically modified melons.
The greatest 'fan in T-Shirt' pic
we have received so far. Jase Of Spades, pictured beneath
the Pacific Ocean at the Mataora ship wreck, off of Rarotonga,
the capital of the Cook Islands, South Pacific.
J.O.Spades, you are an inspiration to us all. Anyone who
dares take on this robust metal warlord does so at their
own risk. The big fat gauntlet has been thrown down. Can
anyone better this bad boy for dedication to the cause?
TJ, son of the legendary Joan Stone,
pictured outside the Lower Lode Inn, Tewkesbury, in
A T-Shirt he crafted himself! Our youngest fan; a true
Brummy John complete with Ye Gods!
T-shirt in Malaga (that’s Spain). He keeps threatening
to have the bloody hand of metal tattoed on his arse.
And painted on his car. Will it ever happen? If it does,
Biker John shall receive free entry into every Ye Gods!
gig of the future. As will anyone else that stupid...
sorry, I mean that 'brave'.
MegaGeoff prepares to bring the
good word of ROCK to the population by the power of
some new fangled medium called 'TV'.
So frightening are the T-Shirts of Ye Gods! that Noel
Edmunds ran away crying like a small child with an itchy
ring, to find solace with Mr Blobby. The rest of the
audience followed him. A rock orgy ensued. Sadly, the
pics are far too graphic (and disturbing) for our mighty
Not quite what we had in mind for
these pics, but when Ian Maiden is violently sick all
over himself, he has to find the nearest thing at hand
to clean away the puke. If said thing happens to be
a Ye Gods! T-Shirt, then so be it.
That's his story. We believe Maiden woke up in a drunken
stupor, open his tired eyes and the first thing he saw
was his mighty Ye Gods! T-Shirt. As we all know, so
METAL is the imagery on this shirt, that it can scare
you so much you vom. This is the proof!
MegaGeoff pictured with Dave Prouse
(aka Darth Vader). Everything was going well until Dave
spotted Mega's Ye Gods! t-shirt and came over all dark
side on his ass.
The sands of time finally ran out
for 2 of the Ye Spouses, Georgie & Trish, at the
Lower Lode Inn Medieval Tewkesbury Festival. Luckily
they were wearing their protective Ye Gods! t-shirts
which can make even DEATH piss in his robe. He skulked
of embarrassed also sparing the souls of Biker John
& Nick which was a bonus (ha-ha, get it? Bonus -
bone-us as in death is just bones and that. No? Oh well
- I tried being funny but it didn't work).
The mighty metal maniac Colonel
Egghed under the gargantuan Donnington Dunlop tyre.
Whilst at the thunderous Rock festival Egghed found
time to go mullet hunting. He spotted his prey and,
with the stealth of a whispering spitfire, moved in
for the kill. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Seggy Hedges and Flames Wilds on
day release from Arkham Asylum in front of the Hollywood
Sign in LA, California. I know the sign's hard to see,
but that's as close as they'll let mentalists get...
Spawn of Flames Lamb Logan Josh,
Flames and Seggy in LA. How pretty they are.
After too much fresh air the day
release metal patients got all over excited and had
to be returned to the playground for mentalists. They
played on the disabled swings for hours until we had
to shoot them with horse tranquilisers to subdue them
and returned them to 'the safe place' in the interests
of general public safety.
Lots of pics from Danny on Tour...
Danny Muddy Gun, in front of the Burj Al
Arab (Tower Of Arabia), Dubai. Apparently the tower is
a hotel and the rooms cost a gazillion pounds a night,
unless you wear a Ye Gods! shirt. Then they let you stay
for free out of respect for our mightyness. Go on. Fly
there and see for yourselves. Me no lie... wah ha ha ha
ha ha ha Ha HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAA! Hmm, the insane laughing
may have given away my cunning ruse...
Same again, but this time it's Danny Muddy
Guns partner in crime Anusol Gay wearing the greatest
fasion accessory known to man. How stunning he looks.
Danny Glick, in front of a wall of Vox metal
noise, in Madinat Arena, Dubai. We're hoping he'll steal
it for us...
During a bizarre Rock Ritual we managed
to reincarnate Freddy Mercury. Strangely, when summoned,
he was wearing a Ye Gods! shirt. And with him, amidst
thunder and lightening, came a Marshall Wall. The pose
is just a natural reaction to all that ROCK excitement.
Ok, so his real name's Craig Pesco, but he does look
a lot like Freddie Mercury and pretends to be him for
a living. What a fine job, except the poor man has to
work with Muddy Gunner. We feel for him...
Freddy Mercury on stage in stunning attire.
Not wanting to be outdone by the likes of Freddy Mercury,
Tailgunner gets his own Marshall stack shot.
Drugula at his monitor desk, Dubai, the Planet Earth,
the Known Universe.
Anusol Gay, preparing to pray at the altar of rock monitor,
Brettany Spears, behind his drum kit. Like his penis,
it's huge. Brettany spends his life being Rrrroger Taylor.
The angelic light of Metal shines on Brettus Metallus
Millicanus and his mighty drum kit in Dubai.
Danny Muddy Gun, close to that mighty expensive tower,
Dubai. If nothing else, Danny wins the award for most
A man in a Ye Gods! shirt being crushed by a speaker
stack on a crane. Never thought I'd ever see a caption
The Muddy Gun crew in the Fifa Fan Site, Hamburg.
Look at this huge mighty man of
metal - and that's just Icecry, check out the dude behind
him! All bow and praise the Llandovery Knight... oh,
and the fine T-Shirt of course...
Mighty Lord Smudger, pictured in
Tenerife, his shiny crown glistening in the light of
sunset, his shirt bringing the good word of Rock to
a corner of the Earth where Ye Gods! had yet to reach,
much to the joy of all.
Jase of Spades has been at it again.
He's picked up the big, fat gauntlet that he originally
threw down and slapped himself in the face with it to
insight more Metal Mentalness. This has allowed him
to better his original pics. Jase now officially rules
as Supreme Grand Master of the T-Shirt page having conquered
himself. The question is, does anyone have the balls
to pick up Jase's big hairy man gauntlet and challenge
his position? We shall see...
The pics were taken in Borneo by Scuba Junkie Tino,
who has assisted Jase in his further commitment to ass
kicking Ye Gods! stupidity.
The Green Sea Turtle pictures are from a dive around
the island of Sibuan. Half way through the shoot Jase
& Tino were mugged by a turtle who took a fancy
to the mighty t-shirt! This goes to show the massive
attraction powers that these t-shirts have. Buy
They're laced with animal musk.
The White Tip Reef Shark was one of a squillion which
you see around the island of Sipadan. Rooooock &
Colonel Egghed has taken the word
of Ye Gods! to the bonny land of Scotland. Pictured
at Murrayfield before the Scotland v Australia game
a couple of weeks ago, he scared away the crowd and
the teams. The match will be rescheduled once the teams
have stopped crying and hiding in holes in the Earth.
Jase Of Spades, diving off a cliff in New Zealand and, or course, wearing a Ye Gods! shirt. Being King of the T-Shirt page, I doubt Jase 'O' Spades ever goes anywhere without wearing his shirt. That why it smells. Like pooh.
Alice-on Cooper atop the Empire State Building, dwarfing all those brave enough to behold her mighty T-Shirt from 102 floors below. New York came to a standstill, everyone looking to the sky to see what the Rock was going on, a bit like that moment in Armageddon, but without all the special effects.
Georgina Satellites, bringing liberty to a certain well known statue that dwells across the pond. Who is more mighty? Lots of metal made into a green woman? Or a woman brave enough to don our fine Rock-wear and share it with the world? I think I know the answer...
Geronimo Georgie before and after her mammoth cycle ride from Land's End to John O'Groats. She wore her Ye Gods! shirt all the way, bringing the good word of Rock to all. Unfortunately, the shirt now smells less than pleasent, but hey, that's the price loyal Rock lovers are prepared to pay. And now this legendary piece of clothing has seen our entire island - what a warrior GG is! Just the rest of the planet to conquer... www.myspace.com/georgiecycle
Some pics captured on the Jizzremover European Shitfire tour 2007...
Legendary Lead singer of Waxy 'Rob-o-Cop', dancing with Death at The Red Rooster, Berlin.
Chuck Norris, Waxy bassist, trying his hardest to vote Rock into German houses of parliament, Berlin. The votes have yet to be counted, but it's looking like Rock might just get in. 2nd in line for the throne is Metal. The Monster Raving Pop Party are said to be so unpopular that they have a negative number of votes. More news as it happens.
Accomplice of Jase Of Spades, Den Dennis, with his hand up a cows bottom. Now there's a caption we never thought we'd see... Sadly, Den's body is so voluptuous that he was unable to squeeze his tender frame into one of our shirts without creating an Incredible Hulk clothing disaster, so the shirt is placed near him instead. In fact, Den is so large he has his own gravitational pull. 3 small moons orbit him at present, just out of reach of his cherub like arms - a big mac, a family bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and a small brewery that used to reside somewhere outside of Cheshire. Always be wary of men with the physical mass of a small planet. You could get hurt - as the cow in the picture discovered...
Jase Of Spades at Mount Doom, waving his shirt in the face of those that would destroy Rock. If our mighty shirt was thrown into the fires of Mount Doom, Rock would be no more. But luckily it is Jase's precious, so it'll never leave his side. Jase also left a note at the New Zealand Houses of Parliament!
The Ye Gods! team. 'I
love it when a plan comes together' said Stratt 'Hanibal'
Williams, after discovering the joys a tuning pedal
can bring to guitar playing.
Mr Williams -
His incredible elastic fingers enable impossible guitar
licks that would make even Lord Hendrix ask "how
on earth did he summon that immense amount of feedback,
his amp isn't even plugged in".
Invisible Against The Machine -
Not only can he disappear from sight and then reappear
atop a speaker stack to the astonishment of all, mullet
flowing with power, legs broken, twisted and mangled
from an unfortunate incident at Tesco - he has tits!
Human Metal -
Much like the Terminator, but innards made of iron making
him slow, ponderous and stupid - all the qualities that
make up the greatest bass player ever to walk the planet.
Except for Steve Harris. And Geezer Butler. Then there's
Cliff Williams. Oh, and John Deacon. I could go on.
For a long time...
The Icecry -
Not only does he play Rock (albeit badly), but he's
MADE of it too. Unwieldy thick hands of rock, fingers
like limestone cucumbers, and a cock of Portland Cement
- this man wears only blue speedos. Surely that's not
On Spikes: It had been a long day at the office;
a maniac wielding an ice pick had broken into the Rock
Dungeon (where Ye Gods! are held captive for the safety
of the public in general) and decapitated the band.
This didn't change things much. Said maniac is now in
a mental asylum. The bodies of the gods continue to
perform Rock, whilst their heads have a permanent holiday
atop spikes of death.
Scoobys. In our spare time we fight crime using
a dog that's scared of the dark.
Spawn Of Stratt Williams, Ye Godling!
Tom, wearing his Daddies toupee - worship him, he rocks!
<<< TomYe likes to rock!
Spawn Of Cherrance Metal, Ye Godling!
Danny, also donning his Pappies toupee - young rock
banshee, how wonderful he looks!
Ye Gods! dressed for battle.
Ye Gods! camping it up at Drum Bank rehearsal
rooms, Bristol. In our defense, the first song we ever
learnt as a band was Breaking The Law. Thus, we CANNOT
be gay. Hang on a minute... what about Halford?
If you want Gods!, you got it.
The mullets, after a hard nights rocking,
chilling out on the line...
Football Club, 2005
& Vic Du Montes Persona Non Grata, pictured back
stage at Portishead Football Club, 2005.
chief mixer of Le Banditos Avec Les Mullet, made the
fatal mistake of moving to the USA, loosing his tolerance
to cider, returning to the UK and drinking fifteen pints
of Thatchers followed by a White Lightening chaser.
Not only that, he then made the disasterous mistake
of falling asleep in the abode of Sacred Rich after
a Ye Gods! gig. The rather disturbingly unclean bottoms
in this fine piece of Icecry photography are those of
Jase Of Spades and Sacred Rich. Gentlemen, this picture
will ALWAYS bring a smile to our faces...